Parents and Children - Depression

There seems to be more pressure on the child to make the parents happy than for the parents to make the child happy. For example, if the parent is feeling dejected, suffering from low self-esteem or depression, the child feels unbearable responsible. The child feels guilty and is desperate to find ways to make the parent happy again. The child is more likely to forego their own objectives, sacrificing their own opportunity for happiness, doing everything in their power to make a suffering parent happy.

However, if the child is depressed, the parent chalks is up to the consequence of the child’s bad choices (including the choice of bad friends or bad wives who lead the child astray) or even to some naturally-occurring personality flaw. It seems the parent is more likely to leave him be, send him to a therapist, shower him with things, or even abandon him.

The child, on the other hand, will ask himself first what he had done to cause his parent such distress, and then come up with ever conceivable way to make this person happy, even if it means turning down great career opportunities that would take him far from his parent. The child continues to beat himself up for as long as the parent appears to be sad.

The uncanny thing about this situation is that the child is probably the last person capable of helping the parent, while the parent is the first person capable of helping the child out of his depression. Depression is borne out of low self-esteem and loneliness. And I tend to think that the first companion/soul mate a person knows is his parent. This is fundamental to the child’s sense of self. I wonder if the bond with one’s child is as crucial to the parent’s sense of self. The child’s love, I think, may enhance a parent’s self-esteem, but I don’t think the parent’s self-esteem is dependent on it.

This may be a gross generalization about depression. It’s only a theory I’m working on based on my observations and experiences.