Putting Food on the Table

To think that one’s identity is static and complete unto itself – at any point in one’s life – is arrogant, for it requires the utmost humility for one to recognize that he needs improvement. The person has assumed that his ken -- most likely, a body of knowledge bequeathed him by an authority figure, i.e. a parent, political/religious leader, or a companion – is all that he will need to get by on for the rest of his life. He assumes that as long as he flies under the radar, doesn’t do anything unorthodox or off-track, he has enough. He’ll be fine. After all, he tells himself, Life is just about having a job and paying your bills. A child who dreams of becoming an actor is told by a person of authority, “You know that it’s a one in a million chance that you can make any money at it, right? There are only a few successful actors in the world and they had to fight really hard to get there.” This is a common one: “They don’t call them ‘starving artists’ for nothing.” Obviously, this stills fear in the heart of the child as he grows into adulthood. Of all the things to fear, he learns to most fear… hunger.

What the child also learns from this is that he will be able to derive his sense of self-worth from his level of ability to put food on the table. The parlance for this has been "to provide" or "to be a provider." To use the term in this way makes it almost impossible to debate. Why, of course, my highest value is to provide for others. I'd be remiss if it weren't! What kind of human being (or Christian) doesn't want to provide for his family?

Years later into his adulthood, the child who dreamed of a creative and glamorous life as an actor, has a very respectable job, stable, interesting enough. With his earnings he’s going to buy a house, heck, a few houses. His job is his job – it’s what pays his bills. But these houses, these investment properties, have become his new dream. It seems to be a good choice for a dream, he’s been lead to believe: it’s tangible, it’s practical, and you can actually see progress. Besides, everyone else seems to be doing it, so it must be a sound plan. It seems to be a very concrete object to vest one’s aspirations in. In the evenings he can work, little by little, on rehabbing his dream. The more time and energy he puts into it, the more successful it will become. He will be able to flip the houses for a huge return so then he can afford to be… well, even less potentially hungry.

He is very active, busily rehabbing the property. Yet he is still inert. While he may be highly motivated for home improvement, he is not on the track for self-improvement. On some level, as I had written yesterday, this inertia is borne out of fear, fear of change, fear of responsibility, fear of one’s self. Perhaps, now that he’s older, grown a little cynical and jaded, he’s forgotten what it’s like to dream of a best possible self, a highly self-actualizing self. Eh, it doesn’t get you anywhere. I’ve seen how it doesn’t get you anywhere. Really, he doesn’t know whether or not chasing the idealized version of himself is worthwhile because he never really made the effort. So, while on some level, his inertia is fear of one’s self, it is rooted in laziness. It requires a lot of work without a manual, a lot more mental power to stay on track toward an intangible vision. This mental power is imagination... and it takes all you got.

As for hunger, it’s not so bad. It passes. In North America, eventually you get fed. I’m often reminded of this anecdote: I was walking along St-Catharine in Montreal with a friend. He noticed a bird picking something off the ground and eating it, and remarked, “God provides even for the least of His creations.”

Nourishing your Self, however, is up to you.