The Sex in the City Woman

Sex in the City is hugely popular among women between the ages of 17 to 45. It is owing to this series that we learned about Manalo Blahniks, Jimmy Choos, and Badgley Mischka. And somehow, this show, with is focus on fashion is about sex and therefore heterosexual relationships from the point-of-view of the modern urban woman.

The problem with Sex in the City is that it has given women notions of how to be—among themselves and with a man. The show fails to factor in the likelihood that most men do not care what brand of shoe the woman he favours romantically is wearing. He doesn’t care if she’s showing up for their date in Philip Lim or JCrew or something homemade. These women claim to desire a monogamous, committed romantic relationship with a man, but other than peacocking, what are they doing to get it?

The Sex in the City woman pursues the latest bag or the most desirable pair of stilettos, kidding herself into believing that the potential mate will home in on it and find her. Really, what she is seeking by seeking out the Jimmy Choos is the approval of other women, well, women like her, anyway (and possibly her gay male friends, or Steven Cojucaru, if ever they were to run into him). In this way, the approval of the other women takes precedence over the approval of a potential hetero love partner. The Sex in the City woman, therefore, unwittingly settles for approval over love, and flattery over generosity (of self).

If approval from other Sex in the City women is what she desires most, then perhaps -- deep down -- she doesn’t really want true love to begin with. If she doesn’t want the true exclusive union with a love partner it’s perhaps because she is afraid it entails surrender, becoming vulnerable to harm and hurt feelings. She would love for a man – or anyone -- to love her, but she doesn’t trust man enough to really love him back. She must have been hurt before. So she turns to Manalo Blahniks, which have become for her a symbol of power, over her own self and her feelings. This power gives her the sense that she, and no man, has power over her heart, that she has complete governance of it.

She thinks her Manalo Blahniks are transmitting the message to a potential mate that she is independent and doesn’t need him to provide her with security, comfort, and material trappings because she has taken care of that herself. However, what it really tells him is that her preoccupation is with her vanity, and therefore ego. If she is egoistic, then her energies are directed toward feeding the ego, and therefore she is incapable of generosity of self to others.

The Sex in the City woman fails to realize that it’s in surrendering her heart that she finds it. She must not try to exert control over it, but rather let it control or guide her. There is more security in the power and wisdom of one’s heart than there is in her head, her ability to reason. It is the most secure, because the heart is the source of one’s truest self, which is divine. Once she has allowed her heart to drive her to true love, then she can buy those Christian Louboutins. But by then, she may not even want them.